J Akin

Feb 25 2007

 In the beginning, when God created the earth, there was a void. The void was an abyss and it was considered to be a fracture. A fracture wasn’t just the void of the earth but the void of space. And the void of time and the void that would not go away.

 This void was not an ad or a pin or a sea or anything like that. It was a void and it was big. It was so big that it covered all of the Universe and the Universe was the biggest piece of land that God had ever created. For it didn’t have voids between Galaxies. It had space so they could expand. And that expansion was meant to be a generator or generation of thought and that would be a time that it would take for expansion to begin.

 This beginning of time was the beginning of void. And the void was the beginning of things.

 Now that is perhaps the most unusual statement so lets qualify things. I do make words up and I do try to help but lets state that I have things including a nose and a hand. And Jesus indicated under certain circumstances we should cut off things. And he was speaking of hand and not your head.

 Now of course there were those who wanted it to be of privates and other things but that was only for Kings and wanna be eunuchs, and they were free to do as they pleased with the subjects at hand.

 After all a king was a king and he could turn men into things if he so chose. And if they wanted to be like a dog or a cockroach then the king would fulfill their greatest wish. Even if it just happened to be the king who sneaked in and granted it by putting the thought into their head.

 Well, it came to pass that God created a void because the king of Sin had advised Him that he planned on created a big addition to his galaxy. And into that void around his galaxy he planned to fill it up and then fill up another and another and another with things. Its not that he wanted to fill orders its that he wanted to fill a void. And that was his specialty. He could fill an order but he didn’t want to fill orders. He wanted to fill voids. And so he went looking for a need where a void existed. And he filled it up and then he went and filled up another. And so on until the Universe was filled with his product called evil.

 Evil wasn’t meant to be singular. It was meant to be a whole or a complete monster that could think. It was meant to be gigantic and it was and it did. Yet it did think and it was able to compute and it could see and it could eat. The only problem with evil is it could never reject anything and that was its only weakness. For once evil had swallowed something it would have to render it down and then eat it.

 Well, as you can imagine what a stone would do to a dog if the stone was the size of a head. Imagine though the stone didn’t change size. Imagine the stone was the size of a pill. And imagine the pill was the size of an ordinary person. And imagine the person was me.

 Now, if you can say that you fight this fight then you and I are one and the same. For God wants me to understand that I am fighting a war. And He wants me to understand that in one case or two I can use he instead of He. And I do try but I see myself as small. And perhaps that is why God says he is not going to try and change me. Because in one of the first cases of indigestion evil had a case of reflux.

 Now I’ve had reflux for many years. I can tell you under certain circumstances it is more painful then being burned. It makes you choke and cough and spit up and it is horrible. Now imagine the doctors ‘fix it’ so instead of it coming up and out now it just lies inside the esophagus and it won’t come out and it won’t come up and you can’t expel it. And you choke and moan. Well, that was me and I was that person who suffered for years. As it turned out it wasn’t my diet. It was partly how much I ate but even too much water could probably trigger it. For I had a rare condition on top of it. Not just a problem with reflux but the biggest stomach inside of the flap that goes up into the esophagus. I think that is what they said. People with severe reflux have this problem. Theirs is the size of a pill. Mine? Perhaps the largest in the world. And that is because I’m a big guy.

 So when I say I had reflux its not a joke and it was necessary to operate and tie it up and I will be healed of it. And that isn’t a joke.

 Now to evil I was something it could not digest. I fought with one thing. Prayer and vast weeping. I could not find God and I could not see but I prayed. And I sought and I prayed and I sought until all the world heard me crying.

 Or so it seemed for I couldn’t stop. Now I’m not a crybaby. But if you were friends with God and you couldn’t hear him. All you could hear was grumble and mumble then it was something in a nightmare. It didn’t stop and it was in my dream at least a few times and it was something I heard a few times while I slept. Like one of those sleep with a recording under your pillow. Only in my case I had five pillows.

 Anyway it was nasty and I prayed and I sought God and I said I want a Rapture. I didn’t care that I started hearing from relatives that a rapture would make them lose their relatives. Why? Not because I didn’t love but God indicated that there would always be relatives who had lost relatives no matter when He came. And if people thought God was going to wait forever they needed to realize that forever would be those family members being lost for sure. At least this way they could be people who cared and that would be people who love.

 For if there is one thing that I did is pray for those lost family members. And God put them in my story. Not just a few but many and they didn’t know it. And he used my story so that I got back many unusual letters or sent some unusual letters. And as it turns out they were read and laughed at because they were filled with personal anecdotes. And people will remember those things and thing someone wrote about their life. It just works that way when you write a strange letter to a person in code. Even to a President who might laugh or never see what you had to write.

 Anyway I was being honest because I went out and tried to show everyone that I was different. Only later I read what I wrote and wondered if they sent letters out telling people to beware.

I did get paranoid and I did fight and I don’t want this to sound like a crazy man. I fight and I fight with life and hope. And words will mean much later on. Its just that I do tend to be shy. Some shyness might be okay and I’ve proved that but some is not. And I am now struggling with worry about what men think. And that is fear of men and not something that makes sense. At least to God who calls it like it is.

 Lets put things into perspective. I am a man and I am a friend to the Lord but He doesn’t want me to be afraid. He knows I struggle with it. And He knows I struggle with him. And he knows that I struggle with calling Him less then Him. And it is only because in the Bible they called him he or his and only rarely called him anything else. Yet in this day the Jewish people call him G-d because they see filling it in as blasphemy. And that is the hardest part of my life to write because I am going by faith. I don’t know why. I thought it was respect. It is but some see it as a lack of faith for they create image of God in a word.

 And perhaps that is why Jesus was the WORD which could be used in other ways. And so God became a word of reverence. He knows this is important to what is coming. Reverence. Only He came to me as a friend and wants me to remain as a friend. And it isn’t that I can’t pray or seek but God is going to heal me of fear. And that is why Jesus came to bring a boldness to the relationship. And that is what the enemy does in subtle fashion. To restore the law so that men are cautious or afraid to offend God.

 We do not speak of cursing the Lord but you know of which I speak. Boldness doesn’t enter in only fear, caution, emotional turmoil even. All these are signs that evil are at work. For God doesn’t give us these spirits. He gives us a passion of life for  him.

 His desire is for us to give and to think and to reciprocate in relationship. If we are under the law it becomes an attack on our center of life. And it hurts because evil is the thing that does it. For our center is life and it was they who set up a shock so each time I would try to speak with God I would get shocked. And I didn’t know it but I went into it each day and I would get shocked and they said “Maybe we should say something” but they didn’t and let me slide into agony. And they laughed.

 Now this sounds sick and you wonder who did it? It wasn’t of men it was of evil. And evil was of a spirit of Sin but Sin saw it and was disgusted. Death saw it and was ashamed. Satan saw it and admired me even when I spoke again him. That is because evil blamed him for everything. Now all these things sound like evil so please help me father to speak only truth. Now that sounds even worse because I asked God in my heart but on paper I asked father. And that could be anyone.

 So lets say that Jesus rose up on the third day. He came to the grave and saw that there was a name written there. It wasn’t me but it was of me. He said “Who is that father” for he said father at that moment. And God said “It is a man who is coming. A man who will fight evil.”

 And Jesus said “If this man exists then what does he do for a living?”

 And God told him “He writes and creates something called a web site.”

And that was amazing to everyone because it was a web site. And it was a time of strange things because when they came out of the ground everyone was given an address based on their name. And as it turned out God created a web address for them just in case. And he added them to the database in Heaven where they could see their name listed as being on the agenda for a meeting with God. And it was based on time. For time was the one thing that survived. It wasn’t supposed to. Jesus was meant to come out of the grave and was meant to carry up Paradise. And it was meant to be a time where everything stopped. And it would have. Only I was born.

 Now that sounds angrily like confusion for I make myself equal with Christ. I have to be careful here because I am not in any fashion equal with God, Christ or the Holy Spirit. Its just that God taught me a secret you didn’t learn. It was called Faith. And I learned it in the most agony of suffering that I had ever experienced. And I did not submit to evil. I was tempted to and I was brainwashed. Yet I didn’t because of how God had trained  me.

 So don’t dare say I’m equating myself with God except as a friend. And now that you’ve been told know this. God needed a helper to overcome evil and that wasn’t His son but was of men. Because men were the ones who fell into evil and they didn’t want to fight back. They said “leave it up to God or Jesus. They’ll do it and they did it and we’re fine.”

 Only not one could figure out why they were not fine and why people kept dying without Christ. And why no one was answering a single question “Who is God?” And no one I knew could answer why no one could hear God speak. Even those who claimed to hear him didn’t really. And they had some insight and some conversations but they were suspect.

 So I gave up on people and quit listening to their advice when I fell again due to what seemed to be an unrecordable stroke. It didn’t show up on any scan but I lost another level of speech and I lost another level of life and I was 95 % or more bed bound. I say that because I could get up and eat and the meals were brought to me. And I could use the bathroom and after a few months I was able to drive though I prayed I didn’t have to be stopped as I couldn’t speak. I gave tiny whispers and it was painful to do so. As if I would pass out into pain and from pain into a semi-conscious state. And I learned the hard way when friends ignored my plea not to call. I lost at least two friendships because I could whisper but I wore out. And so people just stopped calling and stopped visiting. And I just lay there suffering in a level of pain I compared to being burned in hot tar. Trust me I knew what it was like as I had been burned in hot tar as a teen when I slid through freshly laid tar.

 It was worse then that and it was worse then anything I could compare. I didn’t know what it was and it didn’t show up on scans and I figured it was real but no one else understood. And they didn’t doubt but figured it was a migraine. It was not a migraine but I have had a few and can tell you this wasn’t like anything I could describe. It may have been comparable to a man who suffered the bends but if that were true I didn’t think of that one until recently.